What a week it has been. I went into the emergency last Thursday because I wasn't feeling well, and it's turned into a week of tests and surgery. With all the craziness I was going through came worry from all of my friends and family, but what made me worry was the fact that they were worried about me. So, with all this time the hospital I asked myself the question, why worry?
Now I've never been the type of person to worry about anything. To me worrying always seemed like a useless emotion, it rarely gets anyone anything. On top of that, there are few things in life that I consider important enough to worry about. In my mind, if it's not family or friends then it's not worth my energy. I could lose $100, I could get an F on an assignment, or even be running 20 minutes late but I wouldn't worry because in the grand scheme of things the world would keep spinning and I would keep living. But heaven forbid something happened to my family or friends, it would stop me dead in my tracks.
So, as I lay in this hospital bed what concerns me the most is not the pain, the medicine, or even the new infections, it's all the people who are spending the holiday worrying about whether or not I will be alright. Then my mom asked me why I am worried about that, and I realized that I didn't want my loved ones to feel this negative emotion for me when I don't even feel it for myself.
It dawned on me that we worry because we care. But worrying still feels so futile to me. So, what am I to do with this emotion that I've rarely felt now as I worry about not myself, but others who are worried about me? I couldn't figure it out until my mom said something that helped me reframe my whole thought process. I told her I felt bad that she interrupted her life to drive all this way to see me, and she told me that she wouldn't be able to stop worrying until she was here with me.
That’s when I stopped worrying about everybody worrying and started to be grateful for all the love and care people have for me. This is why family and friends were always so important to me in the first place because I love them. Even lying in my hospital room by myself I never feel alone because I know I have them. So, I choose to stop worrying and let the love and prayers of those who really matter carry me through.
I still have a tough road ahead of me, but I'm not concerned. As long as I have the love and support of the people that care then I know I'll have the strength to endure whatever God has planned for me.
So, don’t worry…be happy 😊